"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

I have found another terrace. 

Another city-line studded with yellow lights 

from the highway beyond, and 

another song.  

Another place to call home,
if only 
for a while, 

to spend solitary nights 

asking myself 

questions, some deep, some not,

and finding vague answers

or random epiphanies

and making decisions, 

some difficult, 

some wrong.

I didn’t think I would like this place- but I'm beginning to think it’s not so bad. I could grow into it, or it'll grow into me. If you really want to know how you feel about a city, get on one of its terraces and watch the lights go out of its countless windows, one by one, like a million candles blown out in little boxes. And if you can love the city by night, you can probably tolerate it by day.

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Mambo-Tango

I'm really too sleepy to be blogging just now, but I just want to write. Write enough to attain "unconscious competence", as Gogs pointed out to me. I want to achieve my kung fu.

I spend the whole night with MJ and D watching two movies back to back. They were about entirely different times, different characters, two stories that could probably never meet; and I felt the same glowy warm feeling in my heart having watched both. The feeling that the world is good, and what's bad in it, can be sorted out. Needs sorting out.

In the first, a woman in the 1950s tries to change, but realises that change for others is not being true to oneself. In the second, a young terrifically attractive charming young man wants to be useful, somehow.
Not all who wander are aimless. 
People are strange.

I won't blame tonight for my troubles, I promise. I'm so happy. :)

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Venice Queen

I have been a little sad, lately. Chipped in the edges and jaded. I've been talking less, laughing less, and smiling very rarely. And for the longest time, I hadn't even realised. When I did realise - on the rare ocassions - I'd tell myself that I'd tide over that phase of sadness; and be happy again. Except, there have been phases after phases, one after the other; and I just haven't had a happy phase in SO long.

So, today, I've decided to take responsibility for my happiness. And I'd like to thank the Geminid Meteorite Showers for the same. I lay on the terrace today, as I am usually found, and looked up and stars after stars fell away in every direction. Okay, that might be a wee bit exaggerated - but come on, I saw SIX shooting stars; and between us, we saw more. They were like tiny beautiful silver arrows; and there were so many of them. And as I was watching a very beautiful and unusually clear sky, it suddenly came upon me that I've been wasting my life in this whole sadness business.

I have, therefore, decided that I shall not allow my whimsy self to be sad from now on. I am going to smile all the time. ALL the time, and we all know how hard that is. Actually, I feel like slapping people who smile all the time. Nobody has any business smiling all the time. Like babies have no business not being fat. Or even like guys having no business not waiting for girls. Anyway, I have decided that I have no business being sad all the time; because there is this just one life, and we got to live it, and we might as well make the most of it, while we can eh?

I've been so sad for many months now, even though it takes precious little to make me happy. A pretty sky and a few falling stars have made me happy again.

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