You Had Time
>> May 24, 2014
You like to
think that the decisions you’ve made today will not manifest as regrets tomorrow.
You hope, for the most part, that these numerous decisions made everyday – some
big, some small, some momentous, and some painfully mundane- will not appear
ridiculous in hindsight, ten days down the lane, or ten years. More often than
not, sooner or later, you can always tell- and if you’re not the kind of moron
who thinks she has no regrets like every celebrity ever interviewed- you can
determine if that decision, all those months or years ago, was the right way to
have gone. And if you try just hard enough, you can learn to surrender to the
complete helplessness that is regret.
Sometimes,
however, with some decisions- you can never tell. You hope, of course, that you
did the right thing or you said the right lines- but like that idea that you
thought was your best yet but slipped away from memory, you will never know. And
while you try to go through life not pondering at length over these decisions- the
ones shrouded in ambiguity, the ones on which the verdict is still out- this
continuing illusion comes to a grinding halt sometimes and you feel the need to
pause, and look back, and ask yourself if you’d made the right decision, if that
was, indeed, the right thing to do. And after
you’ve asked yourself these difficult questions and groped for answers which simply
do not exist, even as you’ve wondered how life would have turned out otherwise,
and imagined all those alternative universes, you’ll come back, defeated, to
the present, hoping that you’re not doing it wrong all over again.
